healing.

I cried unto the Lord, and he healed me.

the last few years i have looked to this verse as hope. my pain has increased and my frustration with medicines and doctors continue. i continually read this verse over and over praying god would hear my cry. but he hasnt answered. when i came to college, my hope was to live my life normally and not allow my health to get in the way. it hasnt worked out too well. i find myself constantly tired, run down, and without the energy needed to get through the day. i praise god for his sustaing me last semester and helping me pass all my classes. i was hoping things would get better after christmas, but they didnt. its like the saying "when you think it cant get any worse, it does."

my current struggle right now is learning to sleep without medicine. i spent 3/4 of the night last night laying awake in bed trying to force myself to sleep. along with that i struggle with my eyesight, as recent "blinding" episodes have scared the crap out of me.

more than anything, i wonder if i will ever be free from this pain. will i live the rest of my life like this? i have wondered why god has allowed it, why me? is he trying to teach me something? if so, what? i am truly grateful he has brought me this far, and i know there are so many people out there who are in way more pain than i am. but when its you and your in the moment, its hard to remember those things.