why?

tonight i am wondering why. this question may seem so vague, and it is but i cannot seem to grasp the why's of life. i feel sometimes as if i am living a rerun of a very bad tv show and i want desperately to change the channel. but i can't find the remote. ok, so corny analogy, but its true. if only we could understand the big picture, life would make so much more sense. if only i could understand why i am to endure so much pain, my life would become crystal clear.

but i cant. i'm not God. this realization keeps smacking me in the face. and i HATE it. i cant do anything to change. i thought coming to covenant would fix all my problems, but in reality, its only brought more of them to light.
do me a big favor and pray for me. :)

kilter.

I had an awesome time at kilter. Kilter is basically a sadie hawkins dance. My roommate and one of my suite mates asked three guys and we went together. It was held at the downtown children's museum. We went out to dinner before hand at a pizza place (did not compare to NY pizza though!) and then we headed to the museum. I was a bit claustrophobic with all the people, and being in a skirt did not help any ;) It was nice to just have a night off the mountain, doing something different.


I cannot believe that i have been here a month already! This semester is flying by and i cannot believe it. They say that these are the best days of your life, and i want to cherish them. I feel like they are slipping away so fast sometimes and i do not have a chance to fully appreciate them. Sometimes i just have to remind myself to just stop and breathe and enjoy the moment. These days wont be here forever.

Something New.

I used to hate trying new things. New food, new clothes, new ideas, new places - they frustrated me. Before coming to college i resolved to try at least 3 new things. Tonight, i tried my first. Ballroom dancing. I have never danced before in my life. So i signed up for the ballroom dancing club. I was so excited to go. My suitemate and i went and it was SO much fun. It was relaxing and just fun to learn steps and enjoy the music. I know i did not fully learn the swing dance or the waltz but it was just fun to be there and to participate.
This is one reason i love covenant. There are so many things to do and areas to grow and experience new things. Since being here i've done things i would never do in NY: go walking in the rain, put on face paint and cheer on the Scots at games, ask a guy(s) to Kilter and find a costume for the dance. All these things are out of my comfort zone, but i am excited to experience them again and even more..

he is faithful.

Why is it so difficult to believe that God is faithful? 3 times over the course of college decisions, i told myself i was NOT going to covenant college, and each time, God did something incredible in my life that made me change my mind. Why then, can i not convince myself that if he was faithful before, he will be faithful again? Financial struggles, stresses, and my ever so present migraines, consistently weigh me down. I often think to myself that God is abandoning me, but truth be told, it is me who abandoned him. if only i could know the future, know for sure that covenant is a part of it. but i cant. only he knows for sure whether i am to be here next semester, or elsewhere. whether this was to be just a short season of my life, or a long one. but whatever the case, i MUST rest assured in the promise he made in philippians..
...for I will supply all your needs....