ends and beginnings.

the summer is definitely over. this is obvious from the piles of books and the long to-do lists that are sitting on my desk. however, as this summer has come to a close, i have been able to think back on it, and realize just how much god taught me this summer.

a few lessons i have learned:
1. what i desire and/or think is best for my life, is not always god's plan. and his plan is best.
2. working with difficult people is....difficult! but god provides the grace to get through it.
3. all of the very difficult circumstances that happened this summer were in the will of god. he ordained them, and to him be the praise forever.
4. friendships are difficult, and take time! they require me to put aside all pettiness, selfishness, jealousy, and anger and put others first. friendships require that you become selfless.
5. pursuing godliness is hard. i will always mess up.
6. personal baggage leads to permanent damage if not dealt with. burying feelings doesnt help anyone and only hurts me.
7. teaching is HARD! but it is humbling, as the children prove to be better teachers than i will ever be.

as i begin my sophmore year, i want it to be drastically different than last year. i want to grow - in christ, in friendships, in godliness, and in maturity. i want to learn to lean on god and to not make marriage or any other relationships an idol in my life. i want to learn to wait on god as he molds me into the christian woman i am supposed to be. none of this will be easy, it will be painful, but god uses pain to mold and shape us.

**i would appreciate your prayers for this semester,financially, emotionally, and physically - especially since my migraines have gotten much worse since being back at school.

a generation that seeks.

it really annoys me when i hear old people (and not so old people) talk about how my generation and the generation after me are so un-christian and lack all morals. yes, i do realize our world has changed drastically since the 1950's and 60's, and yes, ungodly acts are considered normal. BUT what bothers me is that these older people fail to acknowledge the high school and college students of 2011 that love the Lord with all their hearts. comments such as "its impossible to find a moral teenager" or "this next generation has no standards" annoy me beyond no end. in the past year, i have met some of the most godly, moral college students, who find their freedom in Christ. they do not feel the need to hold true to a list of dos and donts, but rather live their lives to the glory of God. maybe we do some things different. we like louder music, we like a different style of preaching, we dont find interest or contentment in a focus on theology, but rather we are concerned about the state of our hearts.

on two very different mountains, in two far away states, i have met and been encouraged by some of the most godly and God fearing college students. some of them have a better grasp of the christian walk than some older people i know, will ever have. today, upstanding christian college students, might be the exception rather than the rule, but what the older christians fail to realize, is there are more exceptions than they can ever see or know.

so rather than focus on what the older generations of christians think i and others like me should be doing, i prefer to focus on my savior and and what HE thinks.

"man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

pop quiz?

what if life was like a pop quiz? what if you had to live every day in anticipation, much like a student in school, never knowing when the quiz was or what it was on? you would have to be prepared for everything, all the time.

that is how i feel my life is right now. its as though i go to class, and all of a sudden, pop quiz on patience, or gentleness, or some other virtue i dont have, but desperately need and want. would i pass? absolutely not. god has been giving me mini pop quizzes on life challenges all summer, and i have been failing, time and time again. the problem is, i realize my mistakes, but can't seem to figure out how to change them. there are days when i think i am doing so good, and then god comes along and reveals all my faults and insecurities. its like i tell my little kindergartners "our heart is dirty and sinful. the only thing that can make it white again is the blood of jesus."

hoping and praying for his blood to wash over my sinful heart, and for the ability to pass some of the pop quizzes He keeps sending my way.

if you were given a pop quiz today, would you pass?